The half-human/half-SIMCard organisms behind me here at Panera have both been on their mobile phones continuously for the last 90 minutes (which makes you wonder why they even bother sitting together.) At 3x normal conversational volume. And not in English (which shouldn't matter, but paradoxically it makes them even harder to tune out.) This particular cafe is short of AC outlets or I would have moved an hour ago...
A MODERN FABLE
Aesop’s fables and other traditional children’s stories involve allegory
far too subtle for the youth of today. Children need an updated message
with contemporary circumstance and plot line, and short enough to suit
today’s minute attention span.
The Troubled Aardvark
Once upon a time, there was an aardvark whose only pleasure in life was
driving from his suburban bungalow to his job at a large brokerage house
in his brand new 4x4. He hated his manipulative boss, his conniving and
unethical co-workers, his greedy wife, and his snivelling, spoiled
children. One day, the aardvark reflected on the meaning of his life and
his career and on the unchecked, catastrophic decline of his nation, its
pathetic excuse for leadership, and the complete ineffectiveness of any
personal effort he could make to change the status quo. Overcome by a
wave of utter depression and self-doubt, he decided to take the only
course of action that would bring him greater comfort and happiness: he
drove to the mall and bought imported consumer electronics goods.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Invest in foreign consumer electronics manufacturers.
— Tom Annau