Sunday, September 07, 2003


Peeve: Horn-blowers


I’m sitting in my living room, with all the doors and windows open, because it’s frankly a beautiful day. The breeze is blowing across my face, the sun is high in the sky, my dog’s asleep and I’m a million miles away from it all… and then some mouth-breather in a rolling barge pulls in front of the house three doors down and leans on their car horn. For a long time. They wait a few seconds, then they lean on the horn again. They get no response, so they pull their land-barge away from the house. I give them the nastiest glare allowed by law as they drive off.

Here’s a thought: slowly lower the greasy Doritos from your lips, get your fat, lazy, American ass out of the muthafuggin’ car, walk the five or ten meters to the front of the house and knock on the door. There, now, that didn’t kill you, did it?


:: Dave Walker 14:59 (EST/EDT) [+]

:: [/opinion/local]
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Sunday, January 19, 2003


Carol Marvin: Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away


The City of Detroit finally restored a little sanity to the administration of the Detroit Electronic Music Festival by restoring control of the Memorial Day event to an artist-led group that includes Derrick May, Carl Craig, and Kevin Saunderson.

As one might imagine, this didn’t go over well with ber control-freak Carol Marvin, who has issued a string of bizarre statements claiming everything from ownership of the festival name to rights to Hart Plaza on Memorial Day weekend, even going so far as to announce an alliance with long-retired boxer (and techno icon, naturally, WTF?) Tommy Hearns. Remember that t-shirt from a couple years back? “I had sex with Carol Marvin, and she ruined that, too.”

Ordinarily I would simply recommend that she quietly withdraw from the fray to preserve a little grace, but she lost all pretense of class the day she fired Carl Craig in 2001, so that’s a little pointless. Please, Ms. Marvin, let the artists and the real fans enjoy something nice, and go find something else to occupy your time.



:: Dave Walker 17:38 (EST/EDT) [+]

:: [/opinion/local]
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The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie" on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots. -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"