freeform goodness

Today’s Best Spammer Name Ever Nominee

Returnee H. Aerodynamics, found in the festering spamheap that is the account attached to my DNS registration. If I concentrate hard enough, I can even picture ol’ Returnee, dressed in a natty seersucker suit, ten-gallon hat, with a finely crafted snakeskin boot planted firmly upon a old hickory stump, He’s got a huge handlebar moustache and owns about 30 acres of land and his own farm equipment dealership.

addendum: other nominees from the same batch of spam: Sculpt V. Steeplejacks and Magnesium G. Unsold.

:: Dave Walker 09:31 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

My Newest Mail Filter

:: Dave Walker 13:03 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

Spammers Are Stoopid, Part 678

Look, Twatley, if the link is 404 the first time you try it, odds are it’s still going to be 404 the next 50 times you try, too.

adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:16 -0500] “POST /cgi-bin/FormMail.pl HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”
adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:16 -0500] “POST /cgi-bin/form.pl HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”
adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:16 -0500] “POST /cgi-local/formmail.pl HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”
adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:16 -0500] “POST /cgi-bin/Mail.pl HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”
adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:16 -0500] “POST /cgi-local/formmail.cgi HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”
adsl-68-76-97-45.dsl.bcvloh.ameritech.net - - [10/Jan/2004:10:26:17 -0500] “POST /cgi-bin/formmail.cgi HTTP/1.1” 404 1289 “-” “Mozilla/4.06 (Win95; I)”

:: Dave Walker 12:58 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

Whilst Idly Poking Around In My Mail Logs

Wouldn’t it be utterly badass if, upon encountering a message that scored, say, a 15 or above in SpamAssassin, your MTA could not only tag it with a spam header but could, optionally, fling it back across the internet, with a flaming bag of soggy dogcrap attached, into the face of the sender? Maybe in version 3.0.

:: Dave Walker 16:51 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

Best Porn Name Evar

I got a spam today from someone calling herself “Sharon Bootie.”

:: Dave Walker 11:40 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

Can we trade the U.S. Congress for the U.K. Parliament (and a player to be named later?)

I’m probably a little late on this one, but this is one of the funnier things I’ve read lately — a transcript of a discussion in the United Kingdom’s House of Lords about the unsolicited commercial email problem.

:: Dave Walker 13:37 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

419 from far, far away

FROM: GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE

DUNLAND

Dear
sir and/or madame,

Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor Grima Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.

My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to late lamented king Theoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.

In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom. Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern pigmies. His family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.

My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this money could be tranferred. This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland. Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and cooperation.

You will provide information about your account that will enable a deposit to be made in your name. I will contact the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be placed into your account. Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is M. 75,000,000,000. If the transaction goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.

It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence and secrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to completion.

Please reach me at my email address: mbrandybuck@buckland.net

Thank you and ERU bless.
MR. GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE.

this came across a mailing list I’m a member of…

:: Dave Walker 13:34 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

Further Taiwanese Spam

I love the politely worded unsubscribe link:

對不起！打擾了，如果因此造成您的困擾，請直接刪除本信及點選下方「不想再收信」，我們會將您的資料刪除！

Sorry! Has disturbed, if therefore creates your puzzle underneath, please directly deletes this letter and the spot elects “not to want again to receive a letter”, we can yours information deletion!

:: Dave Walker 12:18 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

你想讓家人過更好的生活嗎?

(Taiwanese spam I received earlier… As an experiment in alternate character sets and because I thought it would be fun, I ran it through Systran’s “Simplified Chinese to English” translator. Conclusion: spam just doesn’t translate…)

Late at night 1?
Lies down on bed I not? Thinking…? The law goes to sleep
? Center? Is the parents? Weary? Body? …
I do not rest.. Does not rest…….
Once? .. I? The next seaport wants? He? ? Good day
But meager wage? ? Law? I fulfill receive?
? ? Month ago.. I meet? To a piece of disc…
Short 40? Minute? .. I saw the hope
I gradually in? Place? Family diligently
But my receiving? ? ? ?
If you also thought? Family member? Good life
? Stays behind? Material, I? ? The piece disc sends? You
I guarantee? So long as you have understood, certain? ? You? ? Bright? Life
Name surname? Year? In family? ? Ok? ? ? ? Sends the address? ? ? ? ? Mails

:: Dave Walker 11:21 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)

World dumbest chain mail warning doohickey

My girlfriend got this from an acquaintance. I haven’t changed it at all, except to mask incriminating headers.

I should mention that I get a dozen or so similar things per week, from well meaning relatives and acquaintances. I usually delete them instantly, or sometimes I’ll Snopes ‘em and help snuff the meme in question, but this one stands as such a beacon of, well, something, that I had to share.

----- Original Message -----

From: Janet Cook
To: Joette Grieco(h) ; Jennifer Carr ; Chuck & Kay ;
Diane Carr ; Gene & Julie ; Jan Schuette ; Jean ; John A ; Kathy Spencer ; Karen Steinbach ;
Michael Puszcz ; Pat & Sam ; Peg
Sent: Sunday, December 15, 2002 2:20 PM
Subject: Warning for door to door scam

SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST. 
IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS
CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR
BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS.
THIS IS A SCAM.�� HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.
> >>>
> >>>I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
> >>>
> >>>Signed,
> >>>
> >>>The Blonde

:: Dave Walker 22:32 (EST/EDT) [+] ::

:: [/humor/mail]
:: tags: mail

:: Comments (0)